Beginning Of The End.

This post is going to be hard to write, but I started this blog to document the ups and downs. Last Monday we found out that my Grandpa would be leaving the hospital and placed on hospice. It's a long story. I'll start at the beginning. The Friday before my Grandma called the ambulance because Grandpa couldn't breathe. By the time the paramedics arrived he was feeling better. They told him to see his regular doctor. We got an appointment at 10. I called in to work so I could help Mom out. I took Grandma to her hair appointment at 10 and Mom took Grandpa to his doctor appointment. I met them there. Grandpa couldn't walk into the clinic and by the time he got to the room his oxygen level was 89% (while on 3 liters of oxygen). Dr. Blankers looked at him and said he was calling an ambulance. Mom went with him to the hospital and I went to get Grandma. She was in the middle of a perm, so we had to wait. I packed her a bag for the hospital and got her lunch. She hated not being with him. After almost 63 years of marriage they are insperable. I have to say that my Grandma is amazing. She has taken such great care of my Grandpa. In the ER they did all kinds of tests. They thought he had pneumonia. We later found out it was fluid on his lungs and he was officially diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure.  It was the beginning of the end. Saturday night he was looking and feeling so much better. He was laughing and telling dirty jokes. It was so nice, but short lived. Sunday he was building fluid back up and wasn't feeling well at all. They tried a new medicine, but it didn't work. Monday we got the news that he would be going home on hospice. Talk about a blow. I sobbed. My heart literally hurt. I'm 31 years old and I don't have very many memories that don't have my Grandpa and Grandma in them. My life has been spent with my Grandparents at our farm and on vacations. I am so unbelievably grateful for the time I've had with him, but I want more. I'm selfish. I know that. They could live to be 100 and it still wouldn't be enough time. I've always tried to repay them for the amazing life they've given me. I've been to the doctor with them, went to the hospital with them, taken them to appointments, bought them groceries, and visited them weekly. I have always tried to be there for them. I've always said I would have no regrets. I don't. I know that they know how much I love them because I have showed them. I know this phase of their life is hard. They are in pain. They have lost most of their family and  friends. I don't want them to be lonely. I want them to know that they are loved and appreciated. I want to take care of them like they took care of me. We've been planning their funerals for a while now. They bought their tombstone many, many years ago. I actually have a picture of Grandma decorating it. We've had many scares. We've tried to prepare ourselves, but you can't prepare for these things. Grandpa's always had heart problems, so I expected it would be sudden. I never, ever imagined that it would be this long, slow process. It's heartbreaking.

One of Grandpa's dying wishes was to see the farmhouse project complete. We all went to the farm on Saturday. It was a decent day and he got to watch us complete it. We will always have work to do, but the new metal and trim is complete! He was so happy and so grateful. I will cherish those memories forever. We had a lot of people help us out, but the house would have never gotten done if it weren't for Luke and my Dad. They did an amazing job.

All we can do now is make him feel comfortable and loved. I don't want him to suffer, but it would be amazing if he lived until his birthday on April 21st.  He will be 86. 

Please pray for my family.

                                         

                  

 

                                     

Happy Birthday, Kimber

Kimber is SIX! She has changed so much over the past year.

I'm so proud of the beautiful yound lady she is growing into. She has really come out of her shell this year. She has made a lot of friends and is doing so well in kindergarten. One word to describe Kimber: MESS! She is rotten, but she is sweet, kind and unbelievably funny. She is an amazing little girl. We are so blessed to be her parents!

Tonight was the Daddy Daughter Dance. 

The girls looked beautiful. Luke looked pretty good too! Nohing hotter than a good dad! 

Here is Kimber's video:

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!

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Happy Birthday, Baby.

Our sweet baby would have been seven this year. SEVEN. Sometimes when I think about my babies I sob so hard I can't breathe. You know what I am talking about. The ugly cry. My heart hurts. It always will. Luckily those days are fewer and farther between. I am thankful for that. My week was crazy with all of the school activities. I was seriously exhausted Friday night. Staying busy helps. I haven't figured out a way to tell the kids about their siblings in heaven. I hope that one day I get the courage. 

Luke always does his best to comfort me and make me feel loved. This year for Valentine's Day he got me an old window that I have wanted forever, my favorite flowers, Dove Chocolates, Krispy Kreme Donuts and a trip to the spa. He brought me lunch at work and even cooked dinner that night. I gave him some money to go to an auction and a M&P 9mm pistol. We may have went a little overboard this year, but I think it is important to keep the romance in your marriage. It is so easy with kids, work and all the obligations to neglect your relationship. Luke is my best friend and I'm so lucky I get to spend every day with him. We have a wonderful marriage and are happier now than we have ever been. For that, I am grateful. I have so much love in my life. I am so incredibly blessed!

Heartbroken.

Grandpa hasn't been well for quite some time. He's had tons of tests done. Yesterday he had an Angiogram. The results weren't good. It showed that he had two places that were 70% blocked, one place that was 50% blocked and the Mitral Valve was leaking. He's had lots of heart procedures. We knew that his heart wasn't working right, but this was still a blow to us all. We assumed that his heart was the cause of his fatigue and shortness of breath. We've hoped and prayed that we would figure out what was going on so we could fix it, but this can't easily be fixed. The only option he has is open heart surgery. His cardiologist wasn't even sure the surgeon would agree to do it. Grandpa doesn't want to have the surgery. I can't blame him. He wants to enjoy the time he has. There is no guarantee that he would even survive the surgery and if he did survive, how much time it would buy us.  It's going to be a long hard road. I can't imagine my life without him in it. 

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

It has been a busy couple of weeks! Grandpa has had lots of health issues and we've spent lots of time at the hospital. He's still very weak and not feeling great, but he is better than he has been. Please pray that the doctors can figure out what is going on with him. 

Kinnison asked for donations for her birthday instead of gifts again this year. She chose Arkansas Children's Hospital this time. Kinnison's teacher contacted me and told me that she wanted her class to collect donations for ACH for Christmas and she wanted Kinnison to help. On December 13th we took the kids to Little Rock to personally deliver the toys. The last time Kimber had an appointment there we found a hotel that we loved, so we promised the kids we would go back. It was a great experience for all of them. Luke and I couldn't be more proud of Kinnison. She is such a sweet, caring, genrous, kind hearted girl. On the way home from L.R. we stopped by Petit Jean State Park. 

We spent Christmas Eve at my Mom and Dad's house. The kids got to decorate sugar cookies and make gingerbread houses. Christmas morning we opened presents and ate a huge breakfast.  The weather was nice, so we went to the farm and cut some wood. On Friday we had Christmas at our house with Robin and Billy. Saturday we took the kids to the Buffalo and hiked the Old Erbie Loop. The weather was great and the trail was beautiful! For Christmas Luke got me a hotel in Branson and some shopping money. Beth and I went on New Year's Day. It was a much needed day off!  Friday we drove to Bethany Missouri to visit Luke's family. It has been a long time since we drove up there. It was great visiting with everyone! We were in nasty weather the whole way, but made it home safely!

We crammed a lot of stuff into our Christmas Break, but we had tons of fun and made lots of wonderful memories. It is hard to believe how fast the kids are growing up. We try not to take a single day for granted. We are thankful for all of our blessings and look forward to 2014! 

Happy Anniversary!

The meteorologist were predicting winter weather this week. Grandma and Grandpa decided to ride out the storm at the farm. So, Tuesday night Luke helped me get them firewood, put gas in Dandy and the Scout, clean out the fire place and build them a fire. Wednesday night he had bible study, so that left us very little time to prepare. My parents were out of town, so first thing Thursday morning he went to their house (in the freezing rain) to put wood on their porch and to build my Meme a fire. When he was done with that he still had to get wood in for us. During the storm he checked on Meme numerous times and cleaned off Mom and Dad's driveway for them before they arrived home. When he wasn't working, he was sledding with the kids or helping prepare dinner. Yesterday was our anniversary. Grandma and Grandpa decided they were ready to come home, so we all drove down to the farm to help them load up and to follow them home incase they had trouble. We followed them to their house and shoveled their driveway.We didn't have a romantic anniversary, but we spent the day with the people we love. There are a million reasons why I love Luke. Too many to list. He is an amazing man, husband and father. I don't know what I did to deserve such an amazing husband, but I will forever be grateful that he is in my life. He has always been and will forever be my best friend. 

We've had so much fun! The kids love sledding. We cut donuts in the field at the farm. We played board games. Luke got an electric smoker for our anniversary and he got to try it out this weekend. I made snow ice cream and homemade chocolate milkshakes. We've made lots of great memories!

Happy Anniversary, Luke. I love you more than you will ever know!