Beginning Of The End.

This post is going to be hard to write, but I started this blog to document the ups and downs. Last Monday we found out that my Grandpa would be leaving the hospital and placed on hospice. It's a long story. I'll start at the beginning. The Friday before my Grandma called the ambulance because Grandpa couldn't breathe. By the time the paramedics arrived he was feeling better. They told him to see his regular doctor. We got an appointment at 10. I called in to work so I could help Mom out. I took Grandma to her hair appointment at 10 and Mom took Grandpa to his doctor appointment. I met them there. Grandpa couldn't walk into the clinic and by the time he got to the room his oxygen level was 89% (while on 3 liters of oxygen). Dr. Blankers looked at him and said he was calling an ambulance. Mom went with him to the hospital and I went to get Grandma. She was in the middle of a perm, so we had to wait. I packed her a bag for the hospital and got her lunch. She hated not being with him. After almost 63 years of marriage they are insperable. I have to say that my Grandma is amazing. She has taken such great care of my Grandpa. In the ER they did all kinds of tests. They thought he had pneumonia. We later found out it was fluid on his lungs and he was officially diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure.  It was the beginning of the end. Saturday night he was looking and feeling so much better. He was laughing and telling dirty jokes. It was so nice, but short lived. Sunday he was building fluid back up and wasn't feeling well at all. They tried a new medicine, but it didn't work. Monday we got the news that he would be going home on hospice. Talk about a blow. I sobbed. My heart literally hurt. I'm 31 years old and I don't have very many memories that don't have my Grandpa and Grandma in them. My life has been spent with my Grandparents at our farm and on vacations. I am so unbelievably grateful for the time I've had with him, but I want more. I'm selfish. I know that. They could live to be 100 and it still wouldn't be enough time. I've always tried to repay them for the amazing life they've given me. I've been to the doctor with them, went to the hospital with them, taken them to appointments, bought them groceries, and visited them weekly. I have always tried to be there for them. I've always said I would have no regrets. I don't. I know that they know how much I love them because I have showed them. I know this phase of their life is hard. They are in pain. They have lost most of their family and  friends. I don't want them to be lonely. I want them to know that they are loved and appreciated. I want to take care of them like they took care of me. We've been planning their funerals for a while now. They bought their tombstone many, many years ago. I actually have a picture of Grandma decorating it. We've had many scares. We've tried to prepare ourselves, but you can't prepare for these things. Grandpa's always had heart problems, so I expected it would be sudden. I never, ever imagined that it would be this long, slow process. It's heartbreaking.

One of Grandpa's dying wishes was to see the farmhouse project complete. We all went to the farm on Saturday. It was a decent day and he got to watch us complete it. We will always have work to do, but the new metal and trim is complete! He was so happy and so grateful. I will cherish those memories forever. We had a lot of people help us out, but the house would have never gotten done if it weren't for Luke and my Dad. They did an amazing job.

All we can do now is make him feel comfortable and loved. I don't want him to suffer, but it would be amazing if he lived until his birthday on April 21st.  He will be 86. 

Please pray for my family.