Loving This Life!

A year ago all I wanted was to teach at Prairie Grove Primary. I worked so hard for it. I wished for it. I prayed for it. I felt angry, hurt, sad, disappointed, ashamed, and rejected when I didn't get hired. I don't regret the time I worked at Prairie Grove. I met some amazing people there. I helped some amazing kids. And, so many of those kids helped me. I definitely don't regret finishing school. I am proud of how hard Luke and I worked. We had many obstacles to overcome. And, we did it! I know that our children will be proud of us for our accomplishments.

For the last eight years Luke and I have barely seen each other. We literally passed each other in the hall. We both worked full time and went to school. Luke has worked second and third shift. For the past two years I have been going to school full time. Five years ago we had Kinnison. Three years ago we had Kimber. Our life has been chaotic. Our priority has always been our children, but we have had to juggle work, school and kids. Often we didn't get to spend enough time with our girls because of other obligations. We rarely got to spend time together as a family and Luke and I hardly ever spent time alone. Even though we didn't get to spend a lot of time together as a family, our time was always quality time. We cherished every minute.

Last year Luke took a new shift at work. He works Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and every other Wednesday. This allowed him to spend so much more time at home with the girls. I was ecstatic. I was jealous. I always wanted to be a stay at home, but never thought in my wildest dreams it would be possible. It wouldn't be possible with out Luke. He works so hard for us. Now we get to spend so much time together. We are together as a family Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and every other Wednesday. And, I am home with the girls the rest of the time. I want to focus on making that quality time. Just because we have more time together doesn't mean we should cherish it any less. Every minute we spend together is a blessing.

I didn't understand it then, but I understand it now.

"Sometimes I thank God, for unanswered prayers

Remember when you’re talkin’ to the man upstairs

That just because he doesn’t answer doesn’t mean he don’t care

Some of God’s greatest gifts, are unanswered prayers."

I thank God every day for not answering all those prayers about finding a job. He opened my eyes. My kids are growing up so fast. Too fast. Staying at home is hard. I am not going to lie. Sometimes when Luke gets home I think about getting in my suburban, driving to the airport and flying somewhere tropical. (especially when we are snowed in) My new resolution (late) is to LET GO. I am a control freak! Who cares if the kids make a mess!? Who cares if things don't go as planned!? Who cares if I have to wash my new white bath mats every other day!? Who cares if my floor is dirty!? Who cares if my house isn't spotless!? My kids don't. My husband doesn't. And, that is ALL that matters. They are my life. My focus needs to be on them. With that being said I do want to provide a clean nurturing environment for my family. I want to teach them to appreciate their things, clean up after themselves, work hard and to be responsible adults. I don't know if cleaning is one of the Five Love Languages or not...but it should be. I clean for them. I cook for them. I take care of them. That is how I show them my love. But, I think I am passing on my neurotic OCD tendencies to my kids and that is the LAST THING I WANT!

There are days I get mad. I get stressed. I am overwhelmed. There are days I want to put in ear plugs and just tune them out. They ask approximately 9,184 questions a day. They scream just for fun. They fight over nothing. I constantly feel like I am on repeat. Then it hit me...one day they will grow up. They will stay in their room. They will be busy with their life and their friends. Then they will move out. They will grow up. They will have families of their own and, I will desperately want these days back.

"Five years later there's a plumber workin' on the water heater

Dog's barkin', phone's ringin'

One kid's cryin', one kid's screamin'

She keeps apologizin'

He says they don't bother me

I've got 2 babies of my own

One's 36, one's 23

Huh, it's hard to believe

But you're gonna miss this

You're gonna want this back

You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast

These are some good times

So take a good look around

You may not know it now

But you're gonna miss this."

Thank goodness there is a country song for everything. :)

There are so many more good moments than bad moments. The sound of them laughing and playing is the soundtrack of my life. One day those sounds will fade and I will be left with a quiet house. And, I will be heartbroken when that happens.That is why I blog. That is why I keep a journal for each of them. I want to preserve as much of this as I can. Everyday I take snapshots of them in my mind hoping to capture the moment to remember for the rest of my life. I would love to slow down time. The days are passing too quickly. I love when they play with each other. I love when they hug, kiss or tell each other, "I love you". I even like it when they gang up on me. They are forming a bond that will last a lifetime.

Even on the bad days I wouldn't change a thing. I am so blessed to be Kinnison, Kimber and Kanyon's mom. I don't know what I did to deserve them. They are my world. This is our new life together and I LOVE IT!